Often enough, I catch myself resisting something with a childish inner voice that pouts and exclaims, "I don't want to!". The household paperwork whines to be organized. The laundry mountain threatens an avalanche. The thank you notes and birthday cards wait for a short, handwritten, a stamp, and a ride to the post office. Dishes and dusting, homework and housework.
Other times, my resistance is towards something I crave deeply… The pen atop my journal is ready and willing to pour out its ink. The fruits and vegetables in the kitchen desire nothing more than to be eaten before they rot. The camera prefers to have its shutters exercised over sitting and collecting dust. Jewelry supplies want to become finished pieces. Yarn wants to be a pretty hat on a wee babe's noggin. Little boys vie for my attention and praise. Friends are ready with hot mugs of tea and open hearts.
And all of these things? They each bring me pleasure when I have engaged fully with them. Every. Single. One. Even when I drop resistance towards things I do NOT think I will enjoy, I end up enjoying them! My sense of satisfaction ranges from feelings of agility to prowess, expansiveness to ebullience. Yet I allow them to remain undone, incomplete, unfinished, languishing, which engenders feelings of regret, remorse, failure, dissatisfaction and disappointment. It's a pretty simple formula that guides me to the correct path - IF I want to feel good THEN I should engage in the very things I have a tendency to resist. I'm good at this kind of math. Quite good in fact, an acknowledge subject matter expert in all matters spreadsheet-related.
I want to be authentic, true in action to my words. But/And? I struggle with inconsistency. It's not ADD or ADHD, I've ruled those out. There's a bit of the Obsessive/Compulsive bent to my habits but not so much as to engender a verifiable "disorder". What I'm learning is that it's normally about smaller actions lending their combined weight to the momentum of change to create course corrections slowly over an extended period of time. Those? They're hard to quantify. They're hard to see as being impactful. They're really hard to remember over time. It has helped some to document the ones I can pin down, but only when I remember to go back and review my notes.
I like to think I'm getting better over time. In fact, simply believing that makes it easier to see where and how it's true! How about you - Where do you resist? Why?