Forgetful We Can Be

It's been 26 years, but I won't forget that you said that I should tuck my shirt in because leaving it untucked, though that was the style, made me look fat.

It's been 12 years, but I won't forget that you pulled up beside me in your car and yelled at me how ugly I was in my workout clothes and glasses, even though I was thinner than I'd ever been in my life.

I won't forget that I was labelled Amazon, Bigfoot, and Giraffe.

I won't forget that I have never been "delicate".

I won't forget that I have skipped photo ops with my children for a decade because I worry how grotesquely fat my belly will look in the pictures.

I won't forget that I have called myself deplorable names that I would never aim at another human being.

I won't forget that I have despised my body and my self.

But/And?

I won't forget how I have reveled in my body's capacity for passion.

I won't forget my darling sons' laughter when they are well and truly tickled.

I won't forget that I am loved no matter what size my body is.

I won't forget that I have value beyond my body, beyond my contributions, beyond my failures and successes.

I won't forget that I have the opportunity to be here, now, whenever I choose.